Twas Two Months Before Christmas…

Watching: The CollegeHumor Show

Listening To: Rage Against The Machine – Killing In The Name of (FUCK YOU X FACTOR)

Quote: “Watching Matilda. Its kind of like Carrie for kids.Perfect Christmas viewing.” — Simon Pegg

Twas’ two months before Christmas, and all through the town,

The shops were all stirring, as my face showed a frown.

The sale signs were hung in shop windows with care,

In hopes that the shoppers soon would be there.

People rattling present lists off of their heads,

While hoping for warmth and a nice night in bed.

And me in my costume, looking like a bell end,

Had just started celebrating Halloween weekend.

When up in the sky, there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the pub to see what was the matter.

Away to red square I flew like a flash,

Tore past all the tools, flashing their cash

The moon on the top of the new carousel,

As all the commotion began to raise hell.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a tall scary man, and he struck me with fear.

With long white beard, he descended so quick,

I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.

More rapid than eagles the crowds they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

“What the fuck’s going on!? Its only Halloween!

I’ve got something to say, I don’t care if its mean!

I’m sick of this shit, it’s not even November

I’ve got two more months off, cant ye wait till December!?

Year after year, Christmas starts so early

You can hold off till late November surely.

I’m still on my holidays, can’t you respect that?

I’m an old man, I’m big and I’m fat!

I need time to get ready, and presents to find

You just don’t seem to get, are you people blind!?

Christmas is a time for good will and cheer,

And it should only come but once every year.

The shops and business insist on making it last two months,

Taking parents, shoppers and children for chumps.

It makes me feel sad in my big jolly belly,

The Coca-Cola trucks aren’t even on the telly!”

Tears swelled up in his twinkling eyes,

As he looked straight at me, took me by surprise.

“Young man”, he said, “you may look like a tool

But surely you agree with this stubborn old fool?”

I pondered his argument, and responded as such:

“You make a fair point boy, I’ll give ya that much,

It pisses me off when they start in October,

With ads and decorations the whole town over!”

He gave me a smile, then ruffled my hair,

Booming his voice, he announced to the square,

“Things have to change, and you know that they should

If you don’t wait a while, I’ll stay home for good.”

He turned to the crowd, and waited for a response

They turned towards Santa, and all spoke at once.

“You make a good point, we don’t want you gone,

We’ll wait till the Late Late Toy Show from now on”

His face sprang a smile, to us all gave a whistle,

And away Santa flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, as he flew out of sight,

“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”


Paranormal Activity Review

I first saw The Blair Witch Project when I was 12. It scared the crap out of me. And because I’m an idiot, I thought it was real footage. It was only 2 or 3 years ago I discovered out it was only made to look like that. Paranormal Activity was shot in the same manner, like a documentary. The film focuses on young couple, Micah and Katie. Katie believes the house is haunted so Micah sets up a camera in the bedroom (doooorty) to see if anything is actually haunting them. The film is basically the footage captured on the camera.

To give a little back story Paranormal Activity was originally released to film festivals back in 2007 having been made on a budget of $15,000. By 2008 it made its way to DreamWorks and Stephen Spielberg. It scared the hell out of him, and he commissioned a remake for more cinemas. However when they screened the original film to a select audience, people left the screening they were so scared. The original film stayed, bar some changes to the ending, and was released in America in October making $103,847,000 , the most profitable independent film ever.

I don’t usually do scary films, or creepy/horror films in general. I hate the way they only scare you by making stuff jump out at you. The only horror film I liked lately was Drag Me To Hell which was horrifying just by being creepy and scary. No jumping out at you. Just scary. Paranormal Activity is like that. It won’t jump out at you. It will scare you. It will creepy you out. You know something is going to happen, but not what will happen or when. There’s no big monster or demon to frighten you. It ignores the horror film clichés like a group of people in the woods or a serial killer. There’s no gore, CGI or costumes either. It’s just a young couple trying to find out what’s going on in their house by recording everything that happens. And it’s terrifying. I had trouble getting to sleep after watching it because I kept thinking I could hear something in the hall walking towards my door or at my window. You become scared by what’s not even there. I’m finding hard to describe the way the film works at this point. I’ll just finish by saying you owe it to yourself to see Paranormal Activity. This is a rare film that only comes along once in a while. Appealing to both horror and casual fans alike, even the sceptics will be pleasantly surprised.

2012 Review

Divorced man trying to win back his wife and kids from stepdad. Government being stubborn and thinking only about themselves. Guy falling off a cliff and hanging on by one hand when everyone thinks he’s dead. Crazy guy predicting the end of the world. Directed by Roland Emmerich (he did Day After Tomorrow and Godzilla), 2012 has every possible cliché a disaster movie could have. Most of the time this ends up as a good thing. Unfortunately when it comes to 2012, the film is so cheesy with its acting and scenarios it goes from cool film, past so bad its good territory, and ends up in the “at least the CGI was good” region. And that’s probably the only standout high point about this film.

I haven’t seen John Cusack in a film since 1408. And he was pretty good in that. But I kind of feel sorry him this time. Poor guy is stuck with some of the worst lines you’ll ever hear in a disaster film. Lines like:“It’s not just California… it’s the whole world!”. Woody Harrelson plays the crazy guy predicting the government conspiracies etc and he ends up being one of the better parts of the film. Harrelson plays the role like he knows the entire film is ridiculous and is quite entertaining. Danny Glover, who I haven’t seen since Predator 2, is supposed to be a representation of Obama but spends the film performing his lines like he has a pole up his arse. He spaces everything out. “We….have a….situation….gentlemen”. GET ON WITH IT. I know he’s meant to be serious and dreading it but I’m falling asleep here. I just kept thinking of him shouting “Riggs!” in Lethal Weapon and giggling to myself.

For all its faults 2012 isn’t the worst disaster movie I’ve ever seen. That would be The Happening or The Core. There is a somewhat underlying comedic tone to the film, which is funny for a joke or two but characters sometimes make jokes at the worst possible time. Falling off a cliff worst possible time. However, I’ll give 2012 its due in that you do get your money’s worth purely from the CGI. Its excellent. And once they get the basic premise out of the way (something about the earth heating up) , you’re given a massive CGI destruction set piece every 15 minutes to keep you interested. Better than Day After Tomorrow by a long shot, but it’s no Independence Day.

2 Roland Emmerich’s out of 5.

Jennifer’s Body Review

Watching: Law and Order SVU

Listening To: The Fratellis

Quote: ” Hey wanna play a game? Games called its the fifties and you’re a woman.” — Harley Jordan

Jennifer’s Body is kind of a dark comedy and horror film. But it’s clear the only reason anyone is going to see this is for the super awesome plot. Megan Fox stars as Jennifer Check, a possessed teenage serial killer/demon who specializes in “offing” her male classmates as her best friend ‘Needy’ tries to stop her. And by “offing” I mean she has sex with them then kills them. It sounds like the best plot for a horror film EVER…..but sadly it fails to completely take advantage of its star and premise.

Ever so slightly nsfw....

The jokes and wisecracks are hit and miss and at times you get to see that Megan Fox has a small bit of comedic flair, even though this seems to be the wrong film for her to show it off.

Dialogue is well written at times even though it’s not going to be the most important thing in a horror film. At times it ends up feeling like a B movie, rather than a horror film with an A list star. Oh yeah there’s a girl on girl kissing scene as well, did I forget to mention that? Lasts for about a minute but it rivals Cruel Intentions and that’s saying something. You’ve probably stopped reading at this point and are either on your way to buy a ticket or look up the scene online. I expected a lot from this from seeing the first trailer, as anybody would, but ultimately Jennifer’s Body fails to be scary enough or funny enough to make a great movie. Worth a look if you’re a horror fan, otherwise go rent Drag Me To Hell instead and be really scared.

So This Religion Thing…. (Campus Times Article)

Watching: Avatar!

Listening to: Final Fantasy IX Soundtrack (dont judge me)

Father Ted: “That’s the great thing about Catholicism – it’s very vague and no-one knows what its really all about.”

Just to be clear, this is going to be solely an opinion piece. May as well start this off by saying I’m not a religious person myself, but I have plenty of friends and family who are. I did grow up being quite religious though, prayers every night before bed and all that jazz. I attended Scoil Lorcáin, John’s Park, Waterford and De La Salle College, Waterford so I know a bit about being taught in Christian Brother schools to say the least. Christianity was with me ever since I was baptised over the road in Sacred Heart. Around that time my parents were quite religious following in the footsteps of my grandparents, The Atkins family in John’s Park living 5 minutes up the road from Scared Heart and The Cullen family in Rice Park heading into Ballybricken or any church around town. Families that were raised on the years were the Catholic Church had quite a hold on the country. That was then, and this is now. These days things are quite different. While still prominent in all areas, religion seems to have taken a back seat to everything else going on (at least in my opinion).

My mam recalls ‘fond’ memories of Lent when she was 14 and 15.  For the entirety of Lent my nan would wake the entire family up at half 7 every morning to go to mass  at St. John’s Church (the one next to xtra-vision now) and having to get blaa’s on the way back home from the bakery (now Twister Vick’s) to keep you from dying of starvation . Move forward to the early 1990’s where you just give up something for 4 weeks and be proud of yourself. Most of us would try to be a smartass and give up stuff you barely had once, but there

was always the poor sod with the evangelist mam who made him give up everything but bread and water. Getting into the late 2000’s , Lent is now just seen by some people as an excuse to diet. Things have changed fast! The people of Ireland  no longer live under the impression that there is Catholicism and that’s it. They have a choice now and that’s clear to them.

Catholocism Dougal....

Even given the fact that other religions are now openly accepted in all society, most Irish people stick with good old Catholicism. And more power to them. Priests might not be the authority figures they once were, but they still get the same respect from members of the community.

And that’s how things should be if you ask me. It’s need to be more of a community gathering than just something you have to go to once a week. When I was in primary school I had two priests that I fondly remember, Father Chestnut and Father Melody (great names). Father Chestnut I remember because he knew my grandmother and actually came to my party after my communion. Fair enough he sat in the corner with water, a ham sandwich and my nan questioning him, but he still came. Father Melody was very involved in the community.

When it came to confirmation time, he went around to all the house and met the parents. Standard stuff for the event but he made it feel that bit more personal because he did his best to get to know the families he was saying mass for. Whenever there was some kind of school/church even though he’d call on myself and Lewis Quinn to do readings and the like. It was annoying, but he was a nice man. I seem like I’m rambling on here but these are the fond memories I have of growing up religious. This is how it needs to be, and how it needs to stay.

I’m feeling quite nostalgic writing this piece now I must admit. I slowly grew out of religion myself as I got older. Not for lack of presence though. Attending De La Salle College we had prayers nearly every second day but you wouldn’t notice it. However as I went through my leaving cert the presence started to fade away. Christian brothers who taught at the school slowly left one by one. Times changed. Fortunately the likes of Brother Ben and Brother Schumacher (a nickname) stuck around, and luckily I got to be there for Brother Damien’s last year as principal. The presence of religion and the Christian brothers in schools has definitely seen a huge decline but this is once again a sign of the times. As Ireland becomes a more modern country, it starts to mirror other countries in Europe with national schools that keep religion to a minimum. Schools have to adapt to the different nationalities and religions that now make up the population of the country. In 5th and 6th class you were expected to know every single prayer in the back of your religion book off by heart and recite them in the morning. The learn some of them in Irish. I can still remember a couple of lines now it was bet into me that well (not literally bet into me, they stopped that).My younger brother is in 5th class at the moment. Prayers are no longer recited at the start of every day, prayers need only be learned to a degree and whenever they have religion class, half the pupils leave to a different room to do other work because they’re not catholic. Once you get to secondary school now things immediately shift to learning about other religions and about life.

While things have changed with the times for everything religion related, it’s changed more for the better than worse. Some people can try and blame religion for problems in the 80’s and 90’s, and for wars today, but even there was no religion we’d all just be tearing the hell out of each other for any other random reason. Religion can get people through hard times, which is why a lot of Irish people have stuck with Catholicism through controversy and what not, but I won’t go into that. The Catholic Church in Ireland, along with other religions, has had learn to adapt to the years of the Celtic Tiger and the fallout of it. Every couple of weeks or so it seems The Vatican is slightly changing yet another rule to adapt to modern times.

I was messing with one of the bras father!

Some things never change though. Christmas mass is always going to be packed and the kid with the annoying toy will always be sitting right in front of you hitting it off your head. The new parish priest will always try to be ‘cool’ and ‘hip’ to get along with you. Your mam will always catch you if you try to skip mass. And your nan  is always on to you. One Christmas we skipped Christmas mass because we couldn’t get in, so we had to lie going into my nan’s house. It was like trying to lie to St. Peter at the pearly gates. I’ve been almost completely personal during this piece, and that’s because religion in Ireland can’t be dictated by one current position of the church or by one event. It’s judged by the people who live with it and their own experiences. As the people of Ireland change, religion adapts. You can talk all you want about controversy and wars and atheism ‘til you’re blue in the face. But it’s the people who decide on religion. I don’t assign myself to any belief or stance, I just have my own views on religion. They may have changed over the last 19 years, but religion certainly has too.

Ireland is a country that’s changing more rapidly than ever. We’ve moved on from the years where religion played a major part in how our country was run and governed. In my opinion this is definitely for the better, religion shouldn’t play a part in how a country is run. Given that Ireland is becoming a country filled with many different nationalities and religions, we were always going to have to adapt. The people of Ireland now see that they have a choice, and the government won’t be able to tell them what to do anymore!……at least we hope so.

How To Brush Your Teeth Like A Spartan

How To Brush Your Teeth Like A Spartan

David Evans: Windows XP Gigalo

Listening to: Pendulum

Watching: Its Always Sunny In Philadelphia Season 2

Quote: “What are sambookas?” — Dad after a rough night out

Just randomly found this in some folder, but i guess this is what happens when Evans trys to chat someone up and it starts going his way.

He panics…..

ThatGuy^: 2B v ¬2B said:     hi

qt caress says: Hiiiii

ThatGuy^: 2B v ¬2B says: whos this? lol

qt caress says: how r u doing?

ThatGuy^: 2B v ¬2B says: im good,

ThatGuy^: 2B v ¬2B says: whos this

qt caress says: I’m actually working right now what are you doing?

ThatGuy^: 2B v ¬2B says: no i asked you whos this

qt caress says: Nice! I work from home just starting doing these cam shows. It’s pretty fun actually lol want to have some fun???

ThatGuy^: 2B v ¬2B says: your idiotic

qt caress says: I am a little busy right now cant really talk here but I would LOVE if you came to watch and give me some company would you like to do that?

ThatGuy^: 2B v ¬2B says: i dont want to

qt caress says: Well I think i have a free pass lyin here one sec babe.. I mean would you want it??

ThatGuy^: 2B v ¬2B says: no

qt caress says: Yup I do got another pass left!..YAY.. just please don’t tell anyone else I can get in trouble ok?

ThatGuy^: 2B v ¬2B says: but i dont want to watch

qt caress says: Ok go to Let me know when you’re on the second page hun.

ThatGuy^: 2B v ¬2B says: are you listening to me ?

You know she's not a real girlfriend if her name ends in .jpeg

qt caress says: alright baby you need 2 agree ur not a minor but baby u need to prove it with a cc/debit

ThatGuy^: 2B v ¬2B says: lets see what happens when i say horny,

qt caress says: The vipguest is what I use to access the site free and now u can too The free pass cancels everything out automatically. so ur all set to see me once u verify ur age babe

ThatGuy^: 2B v ¬2B says: interesting, can you give me cheap car insurance?

qt caress says: CC is just to verify your age hun it doesnt charge your card i promise its the sites policy to ensure no minors get access to the site .. i gave u the free pass..

ThatGuy^: 2B v ¬2B says: yeah but what about the poor bastards who cant afford interest rates

qt caress says: What color Panties do you think i should wear? i might have you favorite color here somewhere….

ThatGuy^: 2B v ¬2B says: what does that have to do with anything

ThatGuy^: 2B v ¬2B says: why is panties in capitals?

qt caress says: let me know when u login k?

ThatGuy^: 2B v ¬2B says: no

qt caress says: brb 1sec gotta restart cam u commin?

ThatGuy^: 2B v ¬2B says: no i told you already


Excerpt from July 2009

Listening to: Infamous Soundtrack (silent melody)

Watching: The Muppet’s Christmas Carol


Padraig Kirwan:”There are 10 men and 8 women in a group.To start a small company you must choose 8 men and 6 women.How many possibilities are there?”
Harely:”Why would you need 6 secretaries?”

Friday 31st July 2009

Oxegen, Harry Potter and Public Enemies

So how are you? Yes its been a good month since ive done one of those….but yno…ive been busy and stuff…

Id like to say ive done a lot during my absence but i really havent.At all.Ive lazed around the house pretending to study for repeat exams, drinking, wasting money, going to Oxegen and attending birthday stuffs. Not too bad a July if ya ask me.Ill start with Oxegen. Oxegen was nothing short of awesome. I thought it was gonna be crap, but now im definitely going back next year.The people were nice, the food wasnt half bad, and the bands were fucking brilliant.In short, Oxegen was….was….


See that nice run in i did there? Im soo trendy ;D.
Bandwise, my favourites for the weekend were either Blur or Pendulum. Blur for the performance, but Pendulum just becuase the crowd were insane. Following that maybe Fun Lovin’ Criminals for pure class entertainment. Easily recommend them to anyone. Wallis Bird was a pleasant suprise, and she’s from Wexford so kinda close to home too. Kings Of Leon were dissappointing in my view. Felt more like they just showed up to play songs, rather than perform. If that makes sense.


But yes the people there were very nice. Kinda got a sense of comradery in the morning seeing everyone waking up. Was like one massive session in someones house. Not too many fights or annoying bastards from my experience.Just a lot of people that dancing drunk like this.—>
Although i wasnt exactly Justin Timberlake meself in fairness. Even sober.

Next on the list were the cinema trips. Public Enemies was an amazing film. Although whenever Christian Bale gets angry in it, its hard to immediatly think of him shouting “WE ARE DONE PROFESSIONALLY”. Best film still out at the moment though. Just saw Taking Of Pelham 123. Ive kinda felt like thrillers are my new favourite type of film now so this was entertaining, but not as good as the original. Denzel Washington is on top form though. The man put on 40lbs for the role. Thats dedication. And the last one for the moment, Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince. I usually see these films for one reason only. Emma fucking Watson in all her glory. And shes legal now so im allowed say it. Beyond that, i really liked the film becuase it is actually fairly creepy and dark in places. Not very loyal to the book in parts though. Half the film is a teenage rom com sadly, but you get the feeling its more or less leading up to the last film rather than a stand alone film. Fan or not, you should go see Harry Potter for one reason this summer.And here she is.


One day…..

Comic-Con 2009



Excerpts from June 2009

Listening to: Stevie Wonder

Watching: Home Alone


David:” Did you know that Muslims originally had a different view of what the world was like?They thought it was like this big flat continent with water around it,and you could fall off the dge of the world,and the world itself is on top of like 4 elephants,and those elephants are on top of a turtle’s back, and the turtle is floating through space.”
Me:” No David thats Terry Pratchett’s Discworld”
David:”Oh right yeah…”


Wednesday June 17th 2009 — Songs on my shuffle that are also sexual innuendo

Any Way You Want It – Journey
Slide It In – Whitesnake
Shook Me All Night Long – AC/DC
Pour Some Sugar On Me – Def Leppard
Pearl Necklace – ZZ Top
Givin’ The Dog A Bone – AC/DC
The Bad Touch – Bloodhound Gang
Touch Me – The Doors
Inside Of You – Hoobastank
Take It Off – The Donnas
Give It Away – Red Hot Chilli Peppers

To Do - Nothing


Hump de Bump – Red Hot Chilli Peppers
Give It To Me Baby – Rick James (Still counts)
Jerk It Out – Caesars
Too Hot To Stop – The Bar-Kays

Whole Lotta Rosie – AC/DC
Fuck Her Gently – Tenacious D (Bit obvious this one)
Torture Me – Red Hot Chilli Peppers
Love Spreads – The Stone Roses (So does the clap)
Shut Up And Let Me Go – Ting Tings
Can’t Get Enough Of Your Love – Barry White
Feels Just Like It Should – Jamiroquai
(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction – Rolling Stones

Monday June 29th 2009 — Summatiiiime

Its summertime again.And by summertime i mean the sun actually came out for a minimum of two days in a row.Possibly three.But then micheal jackson died and we had a thunderstorm.It was an interesting week to say the least.
But the total of 6 hours i spent at the beach last week got me reminiscent of those younger years where i would go to tramore everyday with my family, and we’d sit on the slope of the prom, or up further by the rocks.The waves would be fucking massive and id go out in my inflatable ring,nearly fucking killing myself in the process.Those were the days……

Note:Not my family.This is what google search comes up with for tramore.

Now come the complaints.My biggest complaint about going to the beach, are familys that let their kid run around naked.ITS A PUBLIC BEACH.Just becuase your kid is 3 or 4 doesnt make it acceptable to leg it around the place butt naked.Its even worse when the kid runs up to where you are, and just stares at you.Standing there.Naked.Staring at you.ITS FUCKING CREEPY.At least put a t shirt or something on them.
I spent all day bored at the beach because my big ring is broken.So I build a sandcastle (tramore is best in my opinion).Big massive thing, and im very proud of myself for this one cos it took two hours.Its got a mote, and a wall, and a flag.This castle is the shit.I go to sit down and eat a ham sandwhich, and watch in horror as some little fucker walks up, kicks the shit out of my castle, and then runs back to his mammy who just smiles at him.I had the shovel in my hand.I could have gone over there and sort it out, Dirty Harry style, but i didnt.Cos i was able to keep composure.And cos mam told me not to, and i had sand in my shorts and it was annoying me to walk.

Excerpts from May 2009

Listening to: Sting & The Police

Watching: How I Met Your Mother Season 2

Quote:“If I wasn’t retarded I would have passed that.” — Jamie Kent

So rather than copy and paste over entire outdated blogs from blogspot, im just going to copy over a couple of excerpts going month by month for now. =D

Saturday May 9th 2009 — Swine Flu

You heard it people.Swine Flu. We’re all gonna die because of pigs…..cant say you saw that one coming?The mass hysteria going on about this at the moment is a bit ridiculous in my opinion.Thousands of people die from the common cold every year, ad we’re freaking out because 100 mexicans died of a specific type of flu.

The cause of all this...

They don’t exactly have the best health care in fairness.Of course they’re gonna die.Last monday America was in a mass state of panic over it, because there were 20 confirmed cases.All 20 of them were better within 2 days.

The symptoms of a cold are pretty much a runny nose, you feel unwell etc. The apparent symptoms of Swine Flu are back pains (?), a runny nose but you don’t feel unwell.As a friend of mine said “that’s fucking ridiculous, they just described every drunk person the morning after a night out.Now every person with a hangover will think they have Swine Flu”.Wise words.

Sunday May 10th 2009 — Communion Mass

“I’m staunchly atheist, I simply don’t believe in God. But I’m still Catholic, of course.” – Dara O Brien

Sitting there, counting the lights in the ceiling.Wondering how many pews there are here.Wonder how many people here feel as bored as i do.Looking at the hot older sisters sitting around me.Yes ladies and gentleman, i was bored off my arse in my first mass in about 2 to 3 years.Communion mass.It was ridiculous.I get woken up at 9 o clock, im ready to go at half 9, and then we dont have to be there til 11….sigh.

Ive got nothing against religion, but i just get so bored in mass etc, its just not for me.But i still get forced to go when the need comes.

Who Loves Ya Babe?

I suppose it was the right thing being my younger brothers communion mass, but it was horrible.I thought id get away without having to go up for communion, but no.I moped my way up to Father Chestnut and just froze.I had forgotten how to get the communion.When you were younger theyd just put it on your tongue, but there was no fucking way i was gonna stick my tongue out.Im 19 for gods sake.So i did what anyone would do.I looked him blankly in the face and put one hand out, with the other in my pocket. He handed it to me with a confused look and said the three magic words.
“Body Of Christ”.
And i was on my way back to the seat.I put the body of christ in me mouth…..and nearly got sick.
When the fuck, did the catholic church decide to start punching holes in cardboard, and then pass the leftover circles off as holy communion?ITS FUCKING CARDBOARD!I remember the old days when it was kinda soft, didnt taste too bad but it still stuck to the top of your mouth, and ya have to pick the leftover bits out cos your tongue aint doing the job.I eventually was released at 12:15 , so i could go home and drink bulmers.A lot of it.I had to wash the taste of cardboard out of my mouth.

That’s all for May!